Archive for Wyatt FIset

Birthday Musings & Memories

9 years ago today Cory and I went and celebrated my Mom’s birthday and quietly sat without telling anyone that we “MAY” have a match in our adoption process.

We were hopeful but cautious…so many of the processes do not end with a successful adoption.  So we were quiet, optimistic and scared.

After Mom’s party Cory and I decided to tell Mom and my sister Lynn about our potential match.  After a long and heartfelt talk we decided we just needed a bit more health information and we were ready to commit on our end.

NOTE: Our adoption is an open adoption which means that the birth family and the adoptive family “choose” one another and negotiate contact and how the relationship will look in the future.

We were told that Heather (our birth Mom) would be induced on Nov 1st so we had a week or so to get ready.  To be clear a week is NOT enough : ) The next morning, Oct 24th we have a conversation with the adoption agency and with Heather about our health concerns and we knew we had a match.  YIKES!

So 1 week to prepare…

The next morning, Oct 25th we were in our weekly staff meeting and I get a call from the agency, I was expecting a call for paperwork or some other details but the voice simply says “Congratulations your son was born this morning.”

I am overwhelmed and find myself in tears…of joy. I tell Cory and the staff meeting quickly ends.

All I want to do is go to the hospital and get my son.

However there is a 24 hour waiting period…to provide the space for the birth Mom/family to change their mind about their adoption plan and just spend time with the baby.

That, my friends is a LONG 24 hours, waiting to see if she changes her mind…on the other hand 24 hours is no where near long enough to get ready to bring home a baby!  Bassinetes, bottles, diapers, soothers, clothes, blankets all alien to both Cory and I, thank God for dear friends Glenn & Lisa and Susan & Hugh. I will be eternally grateful to all of you.

The next morning was one of the most beautiful and heart wrenching days of my life.  Imagine the joy of adding an amazing little soul to your family but at the same time being present and witnessing the pain, sadness and loss of the birth mother.  For over an hour Heather hands Wyatt to Cory, bursts into tears and Cory hands him back and bursts into tears…I watch shoot video and cry, tears of joy and empathy.  All the while I just want to hold my boy but doing my best to just make space for this miraculous process unfolding before my eyes. Wyatt sleeps through all of this never opening his eyes, even when he was being fed. Heather, your courage and clarity in making an adoption plan for “OUR” little man will remain one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  Thank you is no where near adequate.

IMG_1243Finally, Cory walks over to me and places the little man in  my arms…and I start talking to him welcoming him to the world and our family.  Instantly he opens his eyes and looks at me…actually peers to and what felt like through my soul.  I instantly knew that he was meant to be my son, that he just came to our family in an unusual route.  That day is emblazoned upon my being.

Here we are, Wyatt nine years old this Saturday, your arrival changed our lives in so many ways for the better.  I cannot describe the joy, pride and love I have for you.

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Happy birthday my son. The next 9 years will fly by (even faster I suspect) and you will be off to university or some other epic adventure. Your Mom and I will do our best to support and prepare you for whatever that is.

In the meantime lets keep having fun playing swords, street hockey and whatever else you want to do. PLEASE try not to hurt me with your slap shot, and above all keep making space for the most important thing in life – family (immediate, extended and birth).

I love you with all my heart and am proud to be your Dad, I know you will grow up to be an amazing man.

Love Dad

 

 

Business Model’s That are EASY!!

 

 

As most of you know teaching my boys entrepreneurship I view as one of my most significant jobs as a parent.  Wyatt and I have been testing businesses, having meetings, we created his “Business Idea” book.  I love feeding his brilliant ideas, some of them include:

 

 

  • Lemonade stand
  • Recycling business (collecting bottles and cans)
  • Professional video game player (I am not so keen on this one, but he thinks it is brilliant)
  • Sell his old toys
  • Create an “Art Stand” draw pictures of people. If you need a stick drawing of you and your family Wyatt is taking commissions : )
  • A massage business (he gives a wicked massage!)
  • A cleaning business

All of these things ideas I have been pleased with not necessarily for the quality of the idea, but because Wyatt has ideas, he is willing to try different things I am thrilled!!

By the way I want to plug a fantastic book,  “Young Bucks, How To Raise A Future Millionaire” By Troy Dunn a self made millionaire who had an amazing Dad who supported him to become financially free and he is passing on his wisdom and experience to his kids and yours if you read and apply the ideas!

http://www.amazon.ca/Young-Bucks-Raise-Future-Millionaire/dp/0785221859

Now the purpose of this post is to acknowledge the simplicity and brilliance of kids and specifically my oldest Wyatt.

Last week Wyatt shared that he has a new business idea, and that is he is going to look around the house and pick up money he finds.  Now this at first seems to me to be kind of cute (that is until I cannot find change to wash my cars!)

So Wyatt, has discovered all the little baskets and trays that keys and change get dropped off into throughout the house and is soon walking around the house holding a huge zip lock bag full of change asking me to feel how heavy it is because of ALL his $$$ money.

So far, so good…cute.

Now this is where it gets interesting last week Wyatt is talking to Cory while she is doing laundry and he watches Cory pull money out of pocket after pocket after pocket.

Shortly after Wyatt announces to Cory that his new business is “Taking the money out of the pockets before they are washed”  and that Cory from this point forward is to call him prior to washing clothes so that he can do his business.

Now when Cory first told me about this honestly my first reaction was “That little s*&%” he does not want to do the REAL work of some of his other business ideas” Then my old Saskatchewan conditioning goes to “That is Lazy!”  Which whenever that thought hits me I know that is a RED FLAG of epic proportions.  For years I have worked on ease and flow and have done my best to release the old belief of “It has to be hard to be good”  clearly it still holds some real estate in my belief system.

I also have a mission as a parent to raise “conscious, independent contributing member of society” not an entitled, self righteous, dependent burden on society.  Thus I want my boys to be WILLING to work hard, yet wise enough to know that it is not necessary.

Back to the point; after my initial reaction of that is too easy and potentially lazy…YIKES my body and beliefs react even as I write that!!

After more thought I came to really appreciate the beauty and simplicity of Wyatt’s new business.  He has mastered in one simple model many of the aspects of business that I have worked far to hard at for far to long.  Think about it for a moment. He has the following going for him.

1) He is placing himself precisely where the cash is, literally emptying the pockets!

2) He is taking advantage of something that is happening anyway, Cory washes clothes on a regular basis and he has Cory calling him when there is an income opportunity!

3) He is accessing money that we do not even realize is there and it is now his.

The more I think about, timing, location and support I love his business model.

Well done Wyatt, I love you and I am proud of you!

 

Dad, I am Watching You

This is a fantastic video. Great reminder.

Take Off The Training Wheels!

I did this post last spring but it is a great reminder!

The Conscious Framing of a Life

This is another excerpt from my bestselling book. Reframe Your Blame, How to Be Personally Accountable”

The Conscious Framing of a Life Here is an example of the impact of living life at the different levels of victimization and Personal Accountability.


Wyatt's First Night Home


Recently Cory and I have been blessed to adopt our first child, our son Wyatt. We have chosen an open adoption because we want him to know that his adoption plan was made out of love, that his best interests were the motivation, and that he simply has more family to love him than most children do. (In an open adoption, there is complete disclosure of all information between the biological and adoptive parents, both par-ties choose one another, and contact is negotiated be-tween the parties. That contact ranges from sending photos and letters to getting together for special events and more.)

We have just celebrated our first annual family-day gathering, having Wyatt’s birth mother and birth grandmother over for brunch. At this point, we are in contact about twice a month. In truth, we did not adopt a baby. We adopted an entire extended family.

Cory and I have had many conversations about how Wyatt may choose to interpret his adoption. For example, we have a friend who, to this day, is victimized by his adoption—so much so that, when he and his wife were having difficulty conceiving, he would not consider adopting because he felt he would not be able to love an adopted child as much as a biological one. I do not pretend to understand that, but I did not live his life. All I can tell you is that it is real for him.

Wyatt, on the other hand, will have at least six choices about how he chooses to frame the event of his adoption. Let’s consider them. (See The Evolution of Personal Accountability chart on page 14.)

Choice – External-Blame Victim

Wyatt may say or think, “There is or was something wrong with my birth mother or she would not have given me up for adoption.”

This framing will lead to a belief something like, “People hurt me and cannot be trusted.” The long-term implications of such a belief are challenging at best—a life of being on guard, protected, and ultimately disconnected and lonely.

Choice – Self-Blame Victim

Wyatt may say or think, “There is or was something wrong with me, which is why my birth mother gave me up for adoption. I was rejected because, for some reason, I am in-complete, not good enough, or some version of not worthy.”

(NOTE: “Not worthy” is one of the most common core negative beliefs that exists in North American society. It is directly related to the experience of the Self-Blame Victim.)

If Wyatt chooses to frame his life at this level of victimization, his experience of life will be that of never measuring up. Whenever something doesn’t go as well as hoped for, he will interpret this as his fault. He will be extraordinarily hard on himself. Over time, he will diminish his own self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem so much that he will be unable or unwilling to risk. Then, he will settle for a life far less than what he is capable of because he believes at a conscious or unconscious level that he deserves no better.

Choice – Self-Righteous Victim

Wyatt may say or think, “I understand that my birth mother made an adoption plan with my best interests in mind. I will do my best with the situation, but how a mother could reject her child is beyond me.”

Notice that, at this level, he intellectually gets what happened, but there is still a wound of rejection and blame aimed at his birth mother. He will project this into every relationship he has, sabotaging what he intellectually knows to be true with the pain of perceived rejection and denial.

It must be obvious to you that if Wyatt or anyone else chooses to live life from the Victim frame, each new experience will bring more victimization, more rejection, and more separation. Over time, all Victims become “drainers.” Drainers are people who consume more energy than they create, take more than they give, and ultimately have few or no relationships that work.

Yes, it is easy to see how these Victim interpretations could affect his life just as they could affect all our lives. Cory and I can’t control how Wyatt chooses to see his life. However, we believe that we can influence his view with love, honesty, and openness so that he will choose to see his adoption experience from an account-able perspective as follows.

Choice – Emotional Response Accountability

Wyatt may say or think, “The simple fact is that my birth mother made an adoption plan for me. I will consciously choose to be thankful for my adoptive family as they are thankful for me. I choose to accept, share, and participate in life as it is, with love and appreciation, knowing my birth mother made the best possible choice she could at the time.”

This accountable framing will support Wyatt to be present in his life; to develop an attitude of gratitude; to know that he was and is and always will be wanted, loved, supported, and the highlight of Cory’s and my life.

Just this level of accountability will transform his life—as it could yours—but there is more.

Choice – Practical Accountability

Wyatt may say or think, “I have co-created the experience of having additional family (a birth family and an adoptive family), of being loved and cherished by even more people than most. I know there is a lesson in this about acceptance, love, and the definition of family, I will learn it and apply it in my life and with my own children.”

Imagine for a moment what this would mean. Wyatt’s energy is focused on who loves him and on the fabric of his unusually large family. The lesson is about applying love, redefining what family means, and deciding how he will give of himself to his family. What a marvelous supporting and empowering interpretation of an adoption experience.

Yet there is still one more step!



Wyatt Skating on his own!



Choice – Spiritual Accountability

Wyatt may say or think, “As a spiritual being, I co-created coming here in human form to share my life and love in an unconventional way. In my transition from spirit to human form, I co-created healing the relationship between my birth mother and birth grand-mother. Together, we chose the perfect family who love and accept us for who and what we are, divine sparks of God. We love and ac-cept them on the same basis.

“I chose to come to the physical plane and have more parents than the norm, and to experience greater love, intimacy, connection, and contribution for all involved.”

At this level of Personal Accountability, Wyatt believes that he chose both his sets of parents, that he participated, and that he did so with purpose. Clearly, this will lead to a life of purpose, one free of blame. This approach to life says that the event was not random or an accident. He will ask and answer the questions: What does it mean? What can I learn? How does it relate to my life mission?

Think for a moment about how Personal Account-ability will impact Wyatt’s life. And think also about how Personal Accountability will impact yours.

Consciousness Clue

The hallmark of Personal Accountability is absence of blame.

If you are interested in more of the book you can purchase it here.