Archive for Parenting with Purpose

Birthday Musings & Memories

9 years ago today Cory and I went and celebrated my Mom’s birthday and quietly sat without telling anyone that we “MAY” have a match in our adoption process.

We were hopeful but cautious…so many of the processes do not end with a successful adoption.  So we were quiet, optimistic and scared.

After Mom’s party Cory and I decided to tell Mom and my sister Lynn about our potential match.  After a long and heartfelt talk we decided we just needed a bit more health information and we were ready to commit on our end.

NOTE: Our adoption is an open adoption which means that the birth family and the adoptive family “choose” one another and negotiate contact and how the relationship will look in the future.

We were told that Heather (our birth Mom) would be induced on Nov 1st so we had a week or so to get ready.  To be clear a week is NOT enough : ) The next morning, Oct 24th we have a conversation with the adoption agency and with Heather about our health concerns and we knew we had a match.  YIKES!

So 1 week to prepare…

The next morning, Oct 25th we were in our weekly staff meeting and I get a call from the agency, I was expecting a call for paperwork or some other details but the voice simply says “Congratulations your son was born this morning.”

I am overwhelmed and find myself in tears…of joy. I tell Cory and the staff meeting quickly ends.

All I want to do is go to the hospital and get my son.

However there is a 24 hour waiting period…to provide the space for the birth Mom/family to change their mind about their adoption plan and just spend time with the baby.

That, my friends is a LONG 24 hours, waiting to see if she changes her mind…on the other hand 24 hours is no where near long enough to get ready to bring home a baby!  Bassinetes, bottles, diapers, soothers, clothes, blankets all alien to both Cory and I, thank God for dear friends Glenn & Lisa and Susan & Hugh. I will be eternally grateful to all of you.

The next morning was one of the most beautiful and heart wrenching days of my life.  Imagine the joy of adding an amazing little soul to your family but at the same time being present and witnessing the pain, sadness and loss of the birth mother.  For over an hour Heather hands Wyatt to Cory, bursts into tears and Cory hands him back and bursts into tears…I watch shoot video and cry, tears of joy and empathy.  All the while I just want to hold my boy but doing my best to just make space for this miraculous process unfolding before my eyes. Wyatt sleeps through all of this never opening his eyes, even when he was being fed. Heather, your courage and clarity in making an adoption plan for “OUR” little man will remain one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  Thank you is no where near adequate.

IMG_1243Finally, Cory walks over to me and places the little man in  my arms…and I start talking to him welcoming him to the world and our family.  Instantly he opens his eyes and looks at me…actually peers to and what felt like through my soul.  I instantly knew that he was meant to be my son, that he just came to our family in an unusual route.  That day is emblazoned upon my being.

Here we are, Wyatt nine years old this Saturday, your arrival changed our lives in so many ways for the better.  I cannot describe the joy, pride and love I have for you.

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Happy birthday my son. The next 9 years will fly by (even faster I suspect) and you will be off to university or some other epic adventure. Your Mom and I will do our best to support and prepare you for whatever that is.

In the meantime lets keep having fun playing swords, street hockey and whatever else you want to do. PLEASE try not to hurt me with your slap shot, and above all keep making space for the most important thing in life – family (immediate, extended and birth).

I love you with all my heart and am proud to be your Dad, I know you will grow up to be an amazing man.

Love Dad

 

 

Is Your Mission a Mystery?

1799017_10152220961661068_2086264934_oLast week I got a note from Astrid a long time member of The Creator’s Code Community.

Astrid had just completed my book “Reframe Your Blame, How To Be Personally Accountable” again, I love how she is committed to revisiting tools to apply to her life as situations and circumstances change! This time however she was kind enough to share the outcome of the book, here is her mission statement now taped to the bathroom mirror.

I wanted to share this with you for 3 reasons:

1) What if your greatest clues to your life mission are on the other side of your greatest recurring issue or difficulty. Hint…it really is : )
2) Reframe Your Blame should be re read…annually it is a POWERFUL measure of your ongoing evolution
3) To remind you that you are here for so much more that coping, consuming and procrastinating. You are here to CREATE,

We are here to help!

Check out the my book Reframe Your Blame on Amazon.

Access our 12 week Creation Acceleration home study program instantly here.

Jay signature

 

End of an Era…Beginning of a Movement!

ImageWell tonight we have an auspicious event.

It is the last event in our building in Calgary Alberta.

This building has amazing memories…not just for me but for the thousands of people who had awakenings, transformations and relationships that were created in this space.

It seems quite perfect that we are on Pillar 5 of the Creator’s Code “I live a life of abundance, generosity and celebration” and tonight we get to celebrate the events, experiences and results of the past 20 years.  So if you are in the area come by tonight to enjoy some wine, cheese, old friends, new friends and share what YOU created in “the building”.

If you spent time in that building what did you experience?

  • Found the love of your life
  • Let go of old limiting beliefs
  • Met life long friends
  • Healed old wounds
  • Learned to own your power
  • Created a vision for what your life would become

Out of the many life altering experiences for me the top three have to be:

1) Buying the building in 1992 and then having the financing fall apart and spending two years plus, half a step ahead of bankruptcy…now that was a learning experience!  I will tell that whole story tonight.

Wyatt Home

2) Creating my ideal vision of my life that I wrote about years before a place to live and work that fed my soul, supported my lifestyle and was a sanctuary for Cory and I.
3) Bringing Wyatt home…I will never forget that day.

In the last couple of weeks we have been getting a ton of emails and calls asking about what is next for Personal Best as they are not familiar with The Creator’s Code and all that we have been developing.

So here is the “brief” run down of what is coming next.

Personal Best has evolved into “The Creator’s Code” and we are focusing our energy on creating a global movement of conscious creators. Of course we will remain a strong presence in Calgary and Alberta as we always have and in addition we are delivering our programs all over North America and in the next 12 months the world.  In the last year we have been delivering programs and content in Chicago, Orlando, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and of course here is Alberta, this is simply the natural evolution of our business shifting from a regional company to a global company.

It does mean that the seminars will not be held as regularly in Alberta as they used to be however there will be even MORE of a face to face on the ground presence with Creation Circles.  Creation Circles are professional lead personal development/mastermind/support groups that focus on living and applying the 12 pillars of The Creator’s Code.

Our primary business in the next 5 years is training and supporting existing coaches and trainers to become Creation Circle Leaders and supporting people face to face in their communities to live the pillars.

In addition we designed an amazing amount of online content and support that extends and expands our reach significantly.

Check out the following:

Our new site www.creatorscode.com

A webinar where you can invite a friend for free (if you have a free ticket)  www.Iacceptthegift.com

The 3 M’s of Conscious Creation

We are on a new and unique path one that will be full of twists turns I am sure.  I am excited to step into this brave new online world, reach a much broader audience and support coaches and trainers to create freedom and contribution.

If conscious creation appeals to you, then come and join our movement!

Light and love

Jay signature

 

 

 

Parenting With Purpose

Parenting with Purpose

My wife Cory and I had what has been described as an unusual entry into parenthood although it seemed normal enough to us…mind you this would not be the first time that our normal has raised an eyebrow or two.

Some context may help. Cory and I are high school sweethearts. We have been in relationship for 27 years and back in our dating conversations we, of course, talked about what we both wanted in terms of a family. IF we were going to have kids we both expressed a desire to adopt…even as kids ourselves we believed that there were many children who needed loving homes and neither of us were attached to our child being biological. Fast forward 20 years or so when we felt ready to start our family: We chose to take two approaches simultaneously.

1) Pull the goalie (for those of you NOT from Canada that means stop using birth control)
2) File adoption paperwork

We had complete faith that whichever happened first, it would be the perfect way to start our family. As it turned out, adoption happened first and for us it was magical. Cory and I firmly believe that our boys were divinely guided to us to parent them. Our view is that they were always “our boys.” They just came to us in an unusual route.

That is not to say that there were not issues. Most people have 9 months to prepare whereas we had 36 hours…that was fun! Imagine a man running through Walmart asking every woman I could find where the nipples were? Not the best way to win friends and influence people!

There are so many things wrong with that I’m not even going to start.

Fast forward 7 years and we have 2 boys, both open adoptions which means that we regularly see the boys’ birth families and the boys know who everyone is. There are no secrets. Everything we know, they know. Our vision for the future as more complicated questions arise is that we will all be at the dinner table, our family the birth family and we can talk about EVERYTHING!

I share this with you because we are often asked, “How do you deal with the birth families, isn’t it weird? What if they change their mind? What do the kids call them?” And the list of questions goes on and on.

The truth is that it is not weird, in any way shape or form, but I think the more significant question is “How did we create this situation and circumstance in the way that we did?” The way that we approached starting a family is basically the same way we do our best to parent.

We did it being clear about our “WHY.” What was really motivating us to choose to be parents? We focused on who we wanted to BE, what we were going to stand for and what experiences we wanted for ourselves, our children and our family.

This is why our grounding about our adoptive family and the inclusion of our birth families in our lives is so simple…we want the boys to know, feel and experience that they are incredibly fortunate because they have more family that loves them than most. In that light, OF COURSE we would include the birth families, it is the only choice that is in alignment with what we want the boys to experience.

How did we get clear about our WHY who we wanted to BE and the EXPERIENCES we wanted?

Self awareness and conversations and conversations and conversations over a span of years. The highlights of those conversations are the following agreements and ideas we strive to live by…clearly some are easier than others!

1) We consciously chose to become parents. For us it was not a given and we spoke about it regularly, checking in with one another until we were both completely clear that YES we want to do this together!
2) Although we only had 36 hours from when we knew we had a match we did have a couple of years to get clear about “Who we wanted to BE as parents”. These conversations lead to a very simple parenting mission. It is our mission to raise our children to be conscious, independent, contributing members of society. This guiding umbrella became our rudder while navigating the rough seas of parenthood and in our ‘current’ case, sibling rivalry.
3) We agreed that one of the most important elements of living and integrating our mission is to help out kids discover their gifts and passions.
4) We agreed that our lives MUST go on as a couple and as individuals as well. After spending a combined 40 plus years facilitating personal transformation programs we have seen the evidence that backs up Jung’s quote, “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” Meaning that where and how our caretakers were stuck in their development becomes an internal paradigm for us also to be stuck. We do our best to engage as powerfully and as consciously as we can in our lives.
5) Shortly after the arrival of our first, we agreed that we were clueless (about parenting at least) and we engaged support. We are blessed by family, friends and people who support us. My Mom has been with the boys daytimes since Wyatt came home. Our friends have been unbelievably generous with clothes, toys & solicited advice and tips. Asking for and receiving support has been a complete game changer and is perhaps the MOST significant part of staying consistent with our parenting mission.

Now Cory and I took our time working out how all of this was going to work in our lives and family but you don’t need to. Here are some questions that can start some of the kinds of conversations that helped us.

10 Questions to start meaningful conversations about parenting:

1) Are we ready to be parents? If yes, based on what? If no, what would it take to BE ready?
2) Who do you want to BE as a parent? What do you want to feel like and experience?
3) What is our mission as parents? As a family?
4) How will you maintain your romance and connection in your relationship after kids?
5) How can you pursue your own gifts and passions as an example to your kids?
6) How will you support you kids to discover their passions and gifts?
7) What WON’T you do that your parents did?
8) What WILL you do that your parents did?
9) What rituals and traditions do you want to integrate into your life and family?
10) How will you invite and allow support for you as individuals and for you as a family?

These conversations will reveal aspects of clarity, areas of fogginess and will point to areas where you and your partner/family will need further exploration.

The most significant thing I can share with you is that this is a journey. There are no “RIGHT” answers, but the more we do our own work the more present we are and the more connected and in tune we are with our boys. To support you on this process I have 3 gifts for you.

1)Go to my blog www.jayfiset.com. Opt in and you will receive BOTH a digital copy of my best selling book “Reframe Your Blame, How To Be Personally Accountable” plus the 12 video “Keys to Creation” ecourse.
2)Then visit www.IAcceptTheGift.com and take advantage of your FREE ticket to our 3 day Transformational Program “The Gift!” This program will reveal your unconscious patterns, your core values and your strengths that you did not even know you had.

I wish you and your family, love, joy and happiness!!

Annoyed by Parenting Advice??

Should some types of parenting “Advice” be punishable by
1) A whipping with a wet noodle
2) Never talk to them again
3) DEATH…a LONG slow painful death ; )

Watch and find out.