Archive for Parenting with Purpose

Birthday Musings & Memories

9 years ago today Cory and I went and celebrated my Mom’s birthday and quietly sat without telling anyone that we “MAY” have a match in our adoption process.

We were hopeful but cautious…so many of the processes do not end with a successful adoption.  So we were quiet, optimistic and scared.

After Mom’s party Cory and I decided to tell Mom and my sister Lynn about our potential match.  After a long and heartfelt talk we decided we just needed a bit more health information and we were ready to commit on our end.

NOTE: Our adoption is an open adoption which means that the birth family and the adoptive family “choose” one another and negotiate contact and how the relationship will look in the future.

We were told that Heather (our birth Mom) would be induced on Nov 1st so we had a week or so to get ready.  To be clear a week is NOT enough : ) The next morning, Oct 24th we have a conversation with the adoption agency and with Heather about our health concerns and we knew we had a match.  YIKES!

So 1 week to prepare…

The next morning, Oct 25th we were in our weekly staff meeting and I get a call from the agency, I was expecting a call for paperwork or some other details but the voice simply says “Congratulations your son was born this morning.”

I am overwhelmed and find myself in tears…of joy. I tell Cory and the staff meeting quickly ends.

All I want to do is go to the hospital and get my son.

However there is a 24 hour waiting period…to provide the space for the birth Mom/family to change their mind about their adoption plan and just spend time with the baby.

That, my friends is a LONG 24 hours, waiting to see if she changes her mind…on the other hand 24 hours is no where near long enough to get ready to bring home a baby!  Bassinetes, bottles, diapers, soothers, clothes, blankets all alien to both Cory and I, thank God for dear friends Glenn & Lisa and Susan & Hugh. I will be eternally grateful to all of you.

The next morning was one of the most beautiful and heart wrenching days of my life.  Imagine the joy of adding an amazing little soul to your family but at the same time being present and witnessing the pain, sadness and loss of the birth mother.  For over an hour Heather hands Wyatt to Cory, bursts into tears and Cory hands him back and bursts into tears…I watch shoot video and cry, tears of joy and empathy.  All the while I just want to hold my boy but doing my best to just make space for this miraculous process unfolding before my eyes. Wyatt sleeps through all of this never opening his eyes, even when he was being fed. Heather, your courage and clarity in making an adoption plan for “OUR” little man will remain one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.  Thank you is no where near adequate.

IMG_1243Finally, Cory walks over to me and places the little man in  my arms…and I start talking to him welcoming him to the world and our family.  Instantly he opens his eyes and looks at me…actually peers to and what felt like through my soul.  I instantly knew that he was meant to be my son, that he just came to our family in an unusual route.  That day is emblazoned upon my being.

Here we are, Wyatt nine years old this Saturday, your arrival changed our lives in so many ways for the better.  I cannot describe the joy, pride and love I have for you.

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Happy birthday my son. The next 9 years will fly by (even faster I suspect) and you will be off to university or some other epic adventure. Your Mom and I will do our best to support and prepare you for whatever that is.

In the meantime lets keep having fun playing swords, street hockey and whatever else you want to do. PLEASE try not to hurt me with your slap shot, and above all keep making space for the most important thing in life – family (immediate, extended and birth).

I love you with all my heart and am proud to be your Dad, I know you will grow up to be an amazing man.

Love Dad

 

 

Where Does Time Go?

So I know it has been awhile since I posted, I have been busy creating like mad!

We (Cory the boys and I) are in Vancouver on our summer family holidays and having a fantastic time.  It has been far too long since we have hung out at the beach as a family!

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It is has been a trip of milestones, Jaxson has mastered his 2 wheel bike, he road 8 KM all around the outside of Stanley Park!  He is still only 3!  In his words “I am a totally AWESOME bike rider!”

We went to the Capilano Suspension Bridge and Wyatt who was a bit wigged out at first totally overcame

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his fear, even going on the tree top adventure on his own a couple of times!

Both the boys have been mastering scooter tricks.

Cory and I have been feeling very nostalgic, walking around our old community in Yale Town, we both

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miss living here in the summer.  The winter not so much!

In the midst of all this I am working on my first “Mini Online Launch” for the “Launch Your Mastermind 90 Day Bootcamp” which has been a huge learning experience.  Which I am loving!

Anyway I wish that you and yours are having as great a time as we are.  I definitely appreciate summer more after a long cold winter!

There is much more to update you all on but later ; ) Jay

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Is Your Mission a Mystery?

1799017_10152220961661068_2086264934_oLast week I got a note from Astrid a long time member of The Creator’s Code Community.

Astrid had just completed my book “Reframe Your Blame, How To Be Personally Accountable” again, I love how she is committed to revisiting tools to apply to her life as situations and circumstances change! This time however she was kind enough to share the outcome of the book, here is her mission statement now taped to the bathroom mirror.

I wanted to share this with you for 3 reasons:

1) What if your greatest clues to your life mission are on the other side of your greatest recurring issue or difficulty. Hint…it really is : )
2) Reframe Your Blame should be re read…annually it is a POWERFUL measure of your ongoing evolution
3) To remind you that you are here for so much more that coping, consuming and procrastinating. You are here to CREATE,

We are here to help!

Check out the my book Reframe Your Blame on Amazon.

Access our 12 week Creation Acceleration home study program instantly here.

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Eckhart Tolle’s New Movie Milton’s Secret

Are you interested in supporting conscious messages in mainstream media?  I have been passionate about it since I created the television series “It’s your Life Live it!” over 15 years ago. I believe it is more important today than ever!

If you share my perspective (less violent videos games and more heart centered consciousness) here is a major motion picture project that I think you will LOVE!!

My friend Barnet Bain, movie producer, radio show host and fellow member of ATL (The Association of Transformational Leaders) is producing this movie with Eckhart, it is being shot on Vancouver Island and will be a beautiful film.

I was lucky enough to read the script in advance and I know that they will execute it in a soulful and authentic way.

They are producing the film independently and are raising money through Indiegogo.  Please check out the site, and contribute, every little bit helps and you can ever participate in the film or at the red carpet premieres.

Thank for considering this and please vote with your dollars to support movies and messages of this kind in main stream media!

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Parenting With Purpose

Parenting with Purpose

My wife Cory and I had what has been described as an unusual entry into parenthood although it seemed normal enough to us…mind you this would not be the first time that our normal has raised an eyebrow or two.

Some context may help. Cory and I are high school sweethearts. We have been in relationship for 27 years and back in our dating conversations we, of course, talked about what we both wanted in terms of a family. IF we were going to have kids we both expressed a desire to adopt…even as kids ourselves we believed that there were many children who needed loving homes and neither of us were attached to our child being biological. Fast forward 20 years or so when we felt ready to start our family: We chose to take two approaches simultaneously.

1) Pull the goalie (for those of you NOT from Canada that means stop using birth control)
2) File adoption paperwork

We had complete faith that whichever happened first, it would be the perfect way to start our family. As it turned out, adoption happened first and for us it was magical. Cory and I firmly believe that our boys were divinely guided to us to parent them. Our view is that they were always “our boys.” They just came to us in an unusual route.

That is not to say that there were not issues. Most people have 9 months to prepare whereas we had 36 hours…that was fun! Imagine a man running through Walmart asking every woman I could find where the nipples were? Not the best way to win friends and influence people!

There are so many things wrong with that I’m not even going to start.

Fast forward 7 years and we have 2 boys, both open adoptions which means that we regularly see the boys’ birth families and the boys know who everyone is. There are no secrets. Everything we know, they know. Our vision for the future as more complicated questions arise is that we will all be at the dinner table, our family the birth family and we can talk about EVERYTHING!

I share this with you because we are often asked, “How do you deal with the birth families, isn’t it weird? What if they change their mind? What do the kids call them?” And the list of questions goes on and on.

The truth is that it is not weird, in any way shape or form, but I think the more significant question is “How did we create this situation and circumstance in the way that we did?” The way that we approached starting a family is basically the same way we do our best to parent.

We did it being clear about our “WHY.” What was really motivating us to choose to be parents? We focused on who we wanted to BE, what we were going to stand for and what experiences we wanted for ourselves, our children and our family.

This is why our grounding about our adoptive family and the inclusion of our birth families in our lives is so simple…we want the boys to know, feel and experience that they are incredibly fortunate because they have more family that loves them than most. In that light, OF COURSE we would include the birth families, it is the only choice that is in alignment with what we want the boys to experience.

How did we get clear about our WHY who we wanted to BE and the EXPERIENCES we wanted?

Self awareness and conversations and conversations and conversations over a span of years. The highlights of those conversations are the following agreements and ideas we strive to live by…clearly some are easier than others!

1) We consciously chose to become parents. For us it was not a given and we spoke about it regularly, checking in with one another until we were both completely clear that YES we want to do this together!
2) Although we only had 36 hours from when we knew we had a match we did have a couple of years to get clear about “Who we wanted to BE as parents”. These conversations lead to a very simple parenting mission. It is our mission to raise our children to be conscious, independent, contributing members of society. This guiding umbrella became our rudder while navigating the rough seas of parenthood and in our ‘current’ case, sibling rivalry.
3) We agreed that one of the most important elements of living and integrating our mission is to help out kids discover their gifts and passions.
4) We agreed that our lives MUST go on as a couple and as individuals as well. After spending a combined 40 plus years facilitating personal transformation programs we have seen the evidence that backs up Jung’s quote, “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” Meaning that where and how our caretakers were stuck in their development becomes an internal paradigm for us also to be stuck. We do our best to engage as powerfully and as consciously as we can in our lives.
5) Shortly after the arrival of our first, we agreed that we were clueless (about parenting at least) and we engaged support. We are blessed by family, friends and people who support us. My Mom has been with the boys daytimes since Wyatt came home. Our friends have been unbelievably generous with clothes, toys & solicited advice and tips. Asking for and receiving support has been a complete game changer and is perhaps the MOST significant part of staying consistent with our parenting mission.

Now Cory and I took our time working out how all of this was going to work in our lives and family but you don’t need to. Here are some questions that can start some of the kinds of conversations that helped us.

10 Questions to start meaningful conversations about parenting:

1) Are we ready to be parents? If yes, based on what? If no, what would it take to BE ready?
2) Who do you want to BE as a parent? What do you want to feel like and experience?
3) What is our mission as parents? As a family?
4) How will you maintain your romance and connection in your relationship after kids?
5) How can you pursue your own gifts and passions as an example to your kids?
6) How will you support you kids to discover their passions and gifts?
7) What WON’T you do that your parents did?
8) What WILL you do that your parents did?
9) What rituals and traditions do you want to integrate into your life and family?
10) How will you invite and allow support for you as individuals and for you as a family?

These conversations will reveal aspects of clarity, areas of fogginess and will point to areas where you and your partner/family will need further exploration.

The most significant thing I can share with you is that this is a journey. There are no “RIGHT” answers, but the more we do our own work the more present we are and the more connected and in tune we are with our boys. To support you on this process I have 3 gifts for you.

1)Go to my blog www.jayfiset.com. Opt in and you will receive BOTH a digital copy of my best selling book “Reframe Your Blame, How To Be Personally Accountable” plus the 12 video “Keys to Creation” ecourse.
2)Then visit www.IAcceptTheGift.com and take advantage of your FREE ticket to our 3 day Transformational Program “The Gift!” This program will reveal your unconscious patterns, your core values and your strengths that you did not even know you had.

I wish you and your family, love, joy and happiness!!